So, growing up in the outside culture would make it a lot easier for you to say, “Good-bye” and walk away.
It is not as easy as that when you are brought up in the Amish way of life.
It is hard for me to imagine that the Amish accommodated her by speaking English to her in church services and other social situations, but they did indeed, even when they knew she understood their language and could speak it.
When the oldest daughter in this family started her “rum springa” years (dating period), her mother did not like the dating practices of bed courtship (see “Traditional Amish Dating Practices” of December 29, 2009) and so she told her daughter she may sit at the dining room table with her dates.
Of course this also depends on the nature of the person joining, but one basically cannot be resistant to “submission” of the Amish religion and way of life and still be accepted into the Amish community.
The woman was married to someone who grew up Amish.
They had met and fallen in love with one another when they were both working in a hospital — he was working as an orderly during his years of volunteer service during the Vietnam War, when he claimed conscientious objector status — and she was a nurse.
They got married outside the Amish faith and had several children.
He found he was pulled towards the Amish lifestyle, yet he and his wife were committed to staying together.