“Where you get past that point where everything happens automatically.”In the case of unmarried couples in longterm relationships, therapy serves as it has done traditionally, as the tipping point for bringing ambivalent partners closer together.
But increasingly, it also functions as a tool to ease them more comfortably apart.
“Let’s say the average marriage is lasting roughly seven and a half years,” she says, “and roughly 40 percent of first marriages, and 60 percent of second marriages, end in divorce.
So almost everybody coming out of college or high school knows people whose marriages have failed.
“Then it’s an excellent idea,” she says, “but as an informational, assessment tool, not just to bitch about each other,” Nise says she also has noticed that people may think of therapy for the wrong reasons.
“It’s a chi-chi, fun thing to do, to have a therapist,” she says.
“I define a longterm relationship as one that survives the dopamine high,” he says.
“The problem is, the patterns that you develop ultimately are based on, ‘Well, heck, if it doesn’t work out, we’re not married,’ ” says Julie Nise, a relationship trainer and therapist based near Houston. Essentially, this is what I tell my dating couples: if he’s not good enough to be married to, then you don’t need to be living with him.
Because all you’re doing is burning daylight.”She says she believes that effective therapy is targeted, rather than habitual.
Her last piece for NEWSWEEK examined the phenomenon of pet psychics.
As we enter the new year, many couples might be considering how they can resolve to improve their relationship.