The idea of the 21st century woman making her own sexual narrative sounded enticing. The real clincher seems so cliche in retrospect: the women who had no-strings-attached sex enjoyed enviable celebrity among men. I think I met the guy at a theme park, and I invited him to meet me at a club. He was concerned and called the next day to see if I was okay. I remember feeling smug about it, as if in successfully caring less than him I had somehow “won” the game.
But we didn’t even make it inside—I wasn’t interested in that. I proceeded to hook up with many more men in short order, chasing an illusive thrill. Most of the guys couldn’t tell the difference between moans of pleasure and groans of pain, or didn’t care.
When I was 17, a friend and I promised to lose our virginity within the year.
We saw sex glamorized on TV and in music and heard popular peers talking about it as an amazing experience. I believed And so I lost my virginity to a stranger.
Unfortunately, men fitting this description are often seen as the alpha males of our dating market.
Not all are this callous, but their presence is felt. They think it a game to break down women's sexual defenses. The truth is, had the men in my past been paying attention to me, they might have seen the agony in my eyes. Their prior attentions had been mere ruses to obtain sexual release.
Make their coital relations mutually selfish—that is, primarily about fleeting pleasures and not about caring for the person—and she always loses. Of the two risks, we pretend that we’ve eradicated the first with birth control, but a closer examination of the facts reveals that about half of the abortions in America are the result of protected sex in which the birth control method failed—and about 3 in 10 women have abortions by their forties.
Obviously, many women believe that protected sex won’t get them pregnant—and are getting pregnant.
Until then, he’s researching the contours of her character rather than those of her anatomy; he’s focused on the long game.
But as it turns out, I was unprepared for the disparity between what I had imagined sex with a stranger would feel like and its reality. At the time, I blamed myself—there must be something wrong with my inability to orgasm. When the pain was over, I often lied and claimed pleasure because I was ashamed of the truth.
There were some gentler exceptions—strangers touching me tenderly to help me enjoy myself.
According to the rules, he’s supposed to dump her if she hasn’t pleasured him within three dates.
Many folks sign up, believing, as I had, that it’s harmless fun. And often we're left with only a couple choices: either harden ourselves to cope or change our expectations.