• Act or feel demanding, greedy, selfish, out of control, overemotional, lazy, worthless, pampered, spoiled, helpless, or hopeless in your relationship.
• Contribute less than 50% of the effort to any project or activity that is supposed to be mutual, (including housework, earning income, making dates and social plans, initiating sex, carrying the conversations, giving comfort and support) without a clear agreement.
When you feel an emotional reaction to what is going on, these guidelines will help you stop and think about what is happening and how you are rescuing so you can begin to change that behavior, and to change your automatic responses into more thoughtful interactions.
Once you've offered and the offer has been accepted or rejected, (even if your partner is not honest about what he or she wants, or makes a mistake) it is no longer a rescue, it is an open agreement, and can be renegotiated if necessary.The other is to stop allowing others to rescue you.How to Stop Rescuing and/or Being Rescued You can learn to recognize a “rescue” while you are doing it, and make your unconscious behavior conscious.Recognize a Rescue While You Are Participating In It Learn to recognize that you are rescuing when you: • Do something that you do not want to do because you believe you have to, and feel resentful later. • Inappropriately parent another adult (giving unsolicited advice, giving orders, nagging, or criticizing) • Don’t tell your partner when there’s a problem, or when you feel resentful, ripped off, rejected, cheated, depressed, disappointed, or otherwise dissatisfied. • Contribute more than 50% of the effort to any project or activity that is supposed to be mutual, (including housework, earning income, making dates and social plans, initiating sex, carrying the conversations, giving comfort and support) without a clear agreement between you.• Feel your role is to fix, protect, control, feel for, worry about, ignore the expressed wants of, or manipulate your partner.