And just for fun, there’s Larry Nance Jr., too (I probably watch that clip of him dunking Brook Lopez into another time zone at least once a week). It’s Chris Paul (probably the sixth-greatest point guard of all time), Chris Bosh (who’s built perfectly to serve as a complementary piece on a team like this), Chris Mullin (five-time All-Star; four-time All-NBA first-, second-, or third-team pick; had the cleanest white-guy flattop), Chris Webber (five-time All-Star; five-time All-NBA first-, second-, or third-team pick; dated Tyra Banks), and Chris Kaman (he one time got grabbed in the genitals by Reggie Evans, which is like the opposite of dating Tyra Banks). But you’ve also got MJ alongside Michael Cooper, the best defender on that Showtime Lakers team from the ’80s (five-time NBA champion, Defensive Player of the Year in 1986–87, eight-time All-Defensive first- or second-team pick). (Somehow, Mike Conley has never been an All-Star, and I’m honestly just super-offended by that.
(Actually, did you know Chris Kaman was an All-Star once? And there’s Michael Finley, too (he won an NBA championship with the Spurs in 2007, but he was also a two-time All-Star when he was with the Mavericks during the best part of his career). He’s a fucking killer, man.) And if you want a big man in there, you’ve got Michael Olowokandi (fart noise) or, if you want a slightly smaller big man, then you’ve got Michael Cage, a journeyman player who actually led the league in rebounds in 1987–88. They’re the only team where every player is (a) a multiple-times All-Star, while also (b) possessing the type of game that would do perfectly fine in today’s NBA.
Now, if we’re going to extend that into something bigger here, then we’re going to need to do some fence-building first to help the conversation keep its shape.
Banks had a role in the 1995 American drama film Higher Learning for her role as Deja.You’ve got the Tonys, and they’d be a decent team (Tony Parker, Tony Allen, Toni Kukoc, Tony Delk, and Tony Massenburg), but they likely wouldn’t even get past the Anthonys (Anthony Davis, Anthony Mason, Anthony Peeler, Anthony Morrow, and Anthony Tolliver).(If we combined the Tonys and the Anthonys, then we’d be onto a truly tough lineup.) There’s a very interesting guard-heavy John team that would very quietly pose some real problems.I’m sure that’s mostly because "John" is a very common name. (2) If we lean the other way and use players who were the only ones to have their particular names in NBA history, that team would be almost unbeatable (Le Bron, Kawhi, Kobe, Shaq, Giannis).We don’t have enough Karls to field an entire team, but I figure Karl Malone and Karl-Anthony Towns playing two-on-five could at least beat the Bobs and the Garys.